Of course that doesnt necessarily mean that Im doing more work than any other time, but it feels like heavy going. In fact, you could argue that Im hardly working at all – Im well ahead with my main work at the moment (as a booking agent in stand up comedy) and have relatively little to do on that score just now.
Consequently, Im seizing the opportunity to spend some quality time progressing my music career which, altho it doesnt currently make me any money and so usually takes a back seat compared to paid work, is something I am very passionate about. The strength of my motivation to succeed in music is a good thing I think – without it I’d have very little chance of making any headway amongst the (literally) millions of other musicians in the world today.
Im finding myself pretty stressed tho, so alongside my musical and promotional efforts I’m doing some spiritual work – that is, trying to maintain perspective, bring to my efforts a lightness of touch, trust in the process and hang loose to the outcome and recognise that doing whats important to me matters more than whatever the results of those efforts might be.
Examining my motivations also helps – when Im acting out of a pure desire to create, develop and share I feel positive and enjoy myself whereas when Im feeling stressed and worried, looking “underneath the bonnet” often reveals egoistic efforts to create financial security or gain reputation and success for my own benefit.
As with all things, its not easy finding the right balance and its all too easy to be self critical – setting arbitrary standards for myself and then feeling bad for not meeting them seems to be a favourite of mine.
Maybe this is a stage Im going through where my musical career feels like its scrabbling for a foothold in my life and once its more properly established as an equal partner alongside my comedy work, perhaps I can relax a bit more.
Or have I just set myself another arbitrary standard again..?
Anyway, thats all for now, I better get back to work 🙂